October 7, 2017

Connection is something that for so long I have longed for. For some reason I have never really gotten to the point of having an extreme thirst and drive to be connected to God through scriptures. Today, I had the realization that even with me being unplugged from some of my social media sites. I needed to be disconnected from all mediums that are not business related. While I want to be connected to people on a regular basis, I need to be more connected to God. Now is a time in my life that I could have used the focus on knowing more about what God has in store for people in life. Just to know more about the goodness and gracefulness of his love. His love is so vast that it is truly hard to know all about it, if you don’t read his word.

In the light of reading the Bible more, I think about the statement people use regularly for my people (African Americans) when we don’t know information: the best way to hide information from a Negro is put it in a book. It has been and internal goal of mine for a while to read more books. I am almost at my goal number of books that I will have read by the end of the year. Even though some of them are plays, I count them as books. When I begin to look back over 2017, I am truly thankful for the growth I have experienced this year. I am even more thankful that God has been by my side through it all, even if I wasn’t always faithful to him the way I possibly should and could have been. Thinking about and even writing it down all the things I am thankful for inspire me to get back to my more regular contributions to my Gratitude Journal. When I find it again, I am going to be excited to read about the things I have been thankful for in the past. Just to name a few things I am grateful for right now are my family and my village, my acting coach Mark McKinnon, my supportive Howard Alumni network, and most of all God for keeping me sane and my spirits even as I sink into some dark holes. I am truly realizing even though I am not a fan of and don’t necessarily buy into all the hype there is to having a lot of money, or money at all. One thing I need to do again soon is the Prosperity Game. I did realize the last time I when I was doing it, it grew to become more challenging as the days went on. When I do it again, I would like to definitely do it with a partner.

Just because this is part of my journey, expressing myself openly, it is truly hard sometimes to think of things to write about, to want to expound upon and to share.   I know for me it is easier to get my thoughts out, no matter how jumbled they may be, on paper with a pen preferably. In the process of cleaning my room, and cleaning up things I found a few of my old journals that I had written my thoughts in and I can’t wait to type them up to share. By the time I actually post this entry, I would probably have at least 5 more entries written and needing to be typed up.

I miss the stability of having a full time job. The basic sense of stability I miss is the paycheck. Going on almost a year and two months of not having a steady, guaranteed income that also has benefits attached to it is extremely challenging. I need to put my Acting dream on hold for a little while so I can reorganize my life priorities. I don’t want to say that money is a priority, but the access to covering my basic needs without the depression of lack is reassuring. This week I truly need to take some major steps to secure myself full time employment. I hope it can be in a school that needs assistance with its drama/theater/arts department. Not that I am well versed in being an artist, but I do know that I am willing to learn and figure out how to do whatever needs to be done to better myself in my job.

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