I have lost a zest and momentum to work with my local acting coach. I think that is because I have decided to put a pause on auditioning until my play is over. Today I am supposed to meet with him for two hours. I don’t want to waste his time. Since the last time we met, I have done very little to prepare myself for today. I have not touched my character analysis. I have not touched my play analysis. I haven’t even gotten a copy of my script to him, for him to review and study/prepare to work with me on.
Part of me feels its because I have a lot on my plate along with financial struggles. Another part of me realizes those are excuses to avoid the work I have to do. Like younger people I also get intimidated when someone puts a heavy workload in front of me. Part of me freezes up and says; oh I will tackle that later. I need to stop delaying the work, because it is only going to push me further away from what it is I say I want. I want to be the title character of my own TV series. Now I need to continue to put in the work to become that. I have started to do a journal to become more disciplined. I have been consistently writing the same sentence in it for three pages in cursive. The sentence I have been writing is: I am working to be a disciplined actor everyday. It is starting to seep into my head slowly but surely. Once I fill this journal up with this same sentence, I am going to start a new one and change the sentence monthly. At the rate it is taking me, I probably won’t start with the monthly journaling until my birthday, which would be perfect. By that time I will have come up with a ton of sentences to journal daily. I think when I do get to the monthly entries, I will write for five pages instead of three.