While my mind is racing with millions of thoughts, let me just try to write them all down.
So the things going on in my mind right now are a sense of worry but a sense of peace. I have been worrying a lot lately on how I am going to get my bills paid and how am I going to be able to keep pressing forward financially with my acting journey. Because of this sense of worry I applied for a job with my old school district. I know that the chances for me getting a job were slim because I was not licensed, but I took my chance at it any way. I got called in for an interview and did really well that I was offered the job on the same day. Unfortunately, I was not able to officially accept the position because I was being honest with the person who called me. She is the person that deals with licensure and I knew eventually that would come up as an issue and so I brought it up myself. She said because I worked with a provisional license before, I would not be able to work for the district again.
In my fast paced thinking mind I wondered if this was a sign from God that I need to quit on my dream so fast or was it me trying to convince myself that I would not need this job. I don’t know what made me be honest in that moment, but it would have been better than starting the process of being hired down the line and they find out and I have wasted a whole lot of people’s time. Some part of me is sad, but I think this is the kick I needed to face my fears and move forward with taking strides to move out of Richmond.
I am just really scared. I told my sister yesterday I was scared of my dreams, but she reminded me that what I was doing wasn’t just for me. It is for everyone who has supported me in my journey. I have to get out of the selfish mindset that my journey is just for me. It is greater than me and I am glad to be able to realize that. This new experience on the road has truly helped me see the light. God is placing opportunities right in front of me and I can’t act scared anymore. This experience was like me taking a left turn when God told me to go right.